So I would like to go on the record and categorically state that I believe in the construct of biblical submission.
While the world has certainly evolved and people have grown tired of having one narrative when it comes to relationships. There is a shift that is taking place especially around women submitting to men.
While I remain resolute in my belief, I am open to learning and understanding how other men view submission. I recently spoke to some men to find out their views.
I am happy to confirm that we sincerely don't have a freaking clue.
There is a clear gap when it comes to submission. This purely based on the responses that I received from the men I have engaged with.
The responses varied, some men said respect is a sign of submission, some said how a woman looks after a man shows submission and others said submission no longer exists. This does begin to paint a picture of the missing middle when it comes to grooming men. We are divided by cultures and beliefs to the extent that we have no common ground on social issues.
Whilst I advocated for biblical submission, I was met with the rhetoric of how the bible is used to control women and take away their rights. This then led to discussions of co-leadership. A doctrine that goes against the view of the man being the only leader in a relationship. Co-leadership allows for a man and woman to view each other as being in an equal partnership. To have an equal voice in the relationship.
Co-leadership renders submission irrelevant in modern society as people have evolved from the ways of our ancestors.
As I continued to engage my guests, it became clear that we know nothing about submission, or at the very least we are not on the same page. There was one principle to which the men and women agreed on; respect. Principles of respect are the only things that have not changed since mankind learned to live together. Relationships must be built on mutual respect and trust for them to thrive.
unfortunately, contrary to the above-mentioned respect, there is a string of evidence that shows not all men respect women. The results are quite evident and are boasted in the culture that classifies women as "stock" for men to trade.
The conversation was however useful. It demonstrated the divide when it comes to grooming us, men. It exposed the kind households of we grew up in and that some men simply believe they are leaders because of their gender status. Here lies the opportunity for progressive growth.
The other sub particle of the conservation was leadership. In particular, how men are to lead if women are to submit. "You are not a leader just because you are a man". Leadership has nothing to do with genitalia but rather the actions of an individual.
Leadership is required for the relationship to work. This leadership can be steered by the man or make way for Co-leadership. Either way, the relationship must be steered.
The dialogue ended without a conclusive answer to the initial statement. We exchanged in a healthy debate but in the end, all the horses remained in their stables.
The bottom line is that in an ever so changing world, the rules of engagement ultimately fall to you and your partner. There is someone out there who will accept your narrative.
As for me, my wife will have a choice in accepting my love, leadership, and subsequently submit biblically of her own will.
Editor: Kanyisa Kabane