I've recently gained insight and witnessed as to why are systematically challenged when it comes to identifying real friends.
We like nursing our fears, insecurities, anxiety and the rest of the "I can't do it and Co". We have a natural ability to fall into the pits when our headspace is cluttered and sh*t is just not popping.
Now to the point of this article, fake friends. There is no such thing as fake friends. The challenge is that most of us spend 80% of our energy on people who can only return 20%. The figures aren't exactly that but you get where I'm going with this.
You are the fake energy that attracts fake energy. You spend 20% of intentional energy on the wrong people and complain when they give you 80% of fake energy. This also goes back to my earlier address on nursing fear, anxiety and Co. How much time do we spend sobbing about it versus time spent on healing?
The fake energy that you carry allows for inauthentic people to walk into your life and find a little corner in your subconscious and call it home.
As the old scientific saying goes " energy cannot be created nor destroyed but only be transferred"
I've had to learn the hard in my way life that kind of energy you give and receive is what ultimately makes or breaks you. I've learned that I didn't have fake friends, I was just too busy to notice that I was spending 80% of my energy in the wrong places and as a result, I was vulnerable to accepting fake energy. It didn't matter that I wasn't aware but it mattered because the value of my life was increasing at a decreasing rate.
Now let me share with you about the difference between fake and real energy. Real energy will permeate from loving yourself first before wanting to exchange energy with other people. Fake energy is when you can't stand up for your own life and then eventually invite other people to guide you.
Fake energy will have you calling a monthly board meeting with your board of trustees to discuss the next steps in your life. Imagine an entire board meeting... clearly, you're the gheyl!!
It matters who you talk to, it matters who you go out with, it matters who you share your fears with and it definitely matters that you love yourself first before loving other people.
Real energy comes from self-love.
I'd like to think that I keep 100% with people around me. Having learned where to spend my energy, I now know how to communicate with people in my life.
The people who bring little to no value in my life hardly get a word from me. This is currently 80% of my life. The people who exhibit self-love and are willing to pour positive energy, get 20% of my time but in return receive 80% in value. No, it isn't monetary but refreshing, thought to provoke conversations and contributions.
Learn to give people the energy that they display. Again, there is no such thing as fake energy.
I may not be a die-hard fan of Bonang Matheba but I finally understand what she might have meant when she said, "bafe", well this is a new narrative for me as well.
What we coined as social colloquialism statements can be viewed with a different narrative.
Bafe; positive energy
but only to the people who request it ( who request with positive energy, love, and support)
The kind of energy that you need to thrive in life requires honest conversations with yourself.
Here are some steps that are recommended
1. Identify what you stand for as a person
2. Commit to your vision and goals
3. Find love within you
4. Stay away from the conversation that never has please and thanks to you
5. When real energy starts permeating, make sure it goes to 20% of your contact list.
There is no such thing as fake friends.
There is only honest conversations with yourself and understating that not everyone is for you. Not everyone thinks of cupcakes or gets butterflies in their stomach when they imagine you.
So learn from people who hurt you, who manipulate you, and secretly wish the worst for you.
Learn that only your heart, is worthy of all your time.